Voodo Judaism – God’s Bookkepers

I wrote about Voodoo Judaism already this week, but the voodoo keeps coming…

This time, we’ll watch God’s bookkeepers in action. You see, God is transcendental. Furthermore, God is also hidden. So if we cannot hear God, how are we supposed to know what God thinks of us and our actions?

Well, thankfully, we have God’s bookkeepers. These are people blessed with a very unique capability: knowing what God’s accounts are. They are able to tell us what happens if we do X and what happens if we don’t do Y. If we suffer, they will tell us why God makes us suffer.

Here is an example. Why do women get breast cancer? Tough question. But we have God’s bookkeepers, so let’s ask them.

Bookkeeper no. 1, in English:

 

Bookkeeper no. 2, in Hebrew:

 

See? All you had to do is ask (actually, you don’t even need to ask; they’ll tell you anyway).

I guess these self-appointed God’s bookkeepers have never heard of religious, modestly-dressed women who suffer from breast cancer. After all, that wouldn’t be in line with appropriate bookkeeping practices, would it?

Where would we be without God’s bookkeepers? I feel like throwing up…

 

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