Humour – From the Other Side

One of the things I missed in this war is the humour. During the first Gulf War, when missiles rained on Israel almost every night, Israelis developed a wonderful sense of humour (some of it black). The zehu zeh trio on TV were at their peak at the time. This time around – nothing. Perhaps a sign of the malaise

Anyway, I saw today the following joke. It’s from “the other side” and it’s funny (in a sad kind of way):

Olmert was sitting in his office wondering how to invade Lebanon when his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Olmert!” a heavily accented voice said. “This is Abul Abed, down at the tea house in Beirut! I am callin’ to tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, yes you!

“Well” Olmert replied, “This is indeed important news! How big is your army?”

“Right now,” said Abul Abed, after a moment’s calculation “there is myself, my cousin Mustafa, me next-door-neighbor Abou Khaled, and the whole team from the tea house. That makes eight!”

Olmert paused. “I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.”

“Holy jeez,” said Abul Abed. “I’ll have to call ya back!”

Sure enough, the next day, Abul Abed called again. “Mr. Olmert, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!”

“And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?” Olmert asked.

“Well sir, we have two Mercedes 180, and a truck.”

Olmert sighed. “I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I’ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke.”

“Ya lateeeeef”, said Abul Abed, “I’ll be getting back to ya.”

Sure enough, Abul Abed rang again the next day. “Mr. Olmert, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We modified a helicopter with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four more neighbors have joined us as well!”

Olmert was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. “I must tell you Abul Abed that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I’ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!”

“Lah lah lah lah,” said Abul Abed, “I’ll have to call you back.”

Sure enough, Abul Abed called again the next day. “Olmert I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off this war.”

“I’m sorry to hear that” said Olmert. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Well, sir,” said Abul Abed, “we’ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat, and come to realize there’s no way we can feed two million prisoners.”

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